Name: Ralphie 'The Turkey' Tryptophan

Occupation: Ebay power seller

Spends his Free Time: Beach-combing with a broken metal detector (Shh, don't tell him.)

Interests: Stayin' limber, wearing mesh, attending free concerts, dumpster diving at Nathan's Famous, making new friends.

Hobbies: Supporting strangers in hospital waiting rooms, making travel magazine collages/inspiration boards.

Into: Jumpin' and smilin'!

Not Into: "The Face Book."

6 Things He Can’t Live Without: Nike Pumps, his mystery duffel bag (presumably stuffed with human heads), a 'signed' copy of the bible (we don't know what he means, either), a fresh 2-liter of Code Red in the AM, pilates on the beach and Gary (his gerbil comfort animal who resides in the pocket of his mesh shorts.)

HEY, GUYS! This is not a real profile. It was made up for the sheer entertainment that comes from browsing through pictures of, well, hot messes. BTW! If you or someone you know should be one of our Hot Messes of the Day, send us a quick email at jackie [@]